quackery | ic contact for exsilium

oh

[She really doesn't know what to say to that, but she knows it's important to say something more than just 'oh'.]

i'm sorry. do you want to talk about it

[And she doesn't know who Peace is (or was), either, but she's trying to focus on one thing at a time.]

no its oky

im trign not to b sad

okay!

hey i can do the changing thing now if you want

shuldnt you be aslepp

[yeah that's just occuring to her now

partly because she feels bad for getting her sad feelings on ahiru and making her feel like she needs to help]

no

i mean it's not like we have to get up at a certain time, i've got clinic stuff to do tomorrow but not until the afternoon

[Also, nightmares, but she won't say that when the focus should be on Steph.]

what about you

i miss sunriess

i dont have anthing

canclled traning and clinic classes cause i cant rihgt now

we'll get back soon and then you can see more

what happened? if you want to talk about it

i hope so

i got trapped in a closet and had my emotions taken away and had to deal with the stupid mutiny and collete doesnt trst me and jesse hurt people becuase i got hurt ad now he's crazy and my little brother is an idiot and im scared eople are gonna hurt him and nwo peace is gonr cause we changd things

im tired

[This doesn't feel like a conversation she should be having over the tablets, but if Saul is with her, she doesn't want to intrude. She doesn't know what to say, though, or how to fix any of that or make her feel better.]

i'm sorry. but hey you're strong you know? i'm sure you'll be able to figure it out somehow

don't underestimate yourself

im tryin not to

its hard but max and isaac said itw as okay if its hard

saul jsut wansts me ot be okay again. i wish it was easier

i loved jesse a lot

[She really shouldn't be texting when she's still drunk.]

it's definitely okay if it's hard. what's important is that you keep trying even though it's hard and i know you will. and then once you've done it you'll be glad it was difficult because when you come out on top you'll be like wow look at this really tough thing that i got the best of

but for now, i'm sorry that you're going through a lot

i wont ever be glad for any of thsi

[She's not helping, she thinks. She can't quite come up with the right words, but anything is better than not responding.]

but you'll get through it because you're tough and find other things to be happy about

yeah

im sorry

i didtn mean to do this

[Dump all this on Ahiru, she means. She was just trying to be silly when she first texted her.]

hey you don't need to apologize

that's what friends are for and you know i'm always glad to help

i'm sorry if i brought up something painful

yuo always seem so happy i dont wanna make you sad

but thank you

adn its okay i think everythigns painful rightnow

don't worry about it

things will seem better in the morning maybe? i mean even if you don't have anything going on tomorrow you should sleep if you're tired

yeah i cant realyl reemembr the last time i slpt for more than a few hours at a time i have nihggtmares if sauls not here

[And the response is delayed, because all at once she's remembering a boy whose presence kept her own fears at bay, and how he isn't here. She's glad the conversation is through written word when her throat begins to tighten in that all too familiar way.]

but he is there with you now right? so you should at least try at some point

hes here now but hell hav to get up early

laywer stuff

a few hours is better than no sleep at all though. you seem like you need it even if it's a little

yeah your rihgt

i gues ill try to do tht

good luck

i hope you feel better

ic contact for exsilium

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